Please welcome guest author Rachel from Loving Family, Loving Language. Rachel is a long time reader of my blog and a fan of my Bad Signs Tick Me Off series. She’s also an English teacher. Since I’m so easily aggravated by bad signs, I asked Rachel if she would share what bothers her most as an English teacher. I won’t pretend to understand everything she wrote, because a few of the things are over my head. Truly. And, um, Rachel? I totally fact-checked your article, and I’m sorry to inform you that “White-out” is really spelled “Wite-Out.” We marketers are kind of sensitive to getting brand names right.

If the world was a 10th grader’s paper: My top 10 grammar frustrations (guest post)

Even though I’m 30 years old and have been teaching for a while now, I still get giddy as the first day of school approaches. I love shopping for school supplies, preparing my lessons and imagining who my new students will be. Still, I look ahead to the first jittery days of the school year with a tinge of dread as well. While I adore teaching my students new things, I dread having to deprogram them.

Because of all the errors on signs, in menus—everywhere!—my students argue with me when I try to teach them the correct way to punctuate or spell something. “But that just doesn’t sound right,” they say to me. I wish I could sidestep all this deprogramming and correct the errors on the signs and in the menus as if they were one of my 10th grader’s papers. My students would never be subjected to the wrong way of doing something if a vigilante grammarian got to the signs first. And as my husband can attest, I do keep a red pen and some Wite-Out in my purse at all times for just such occasions. I’m fighting these grammar frustrations, one sign at a time.

#10 – Adverbs. Too often, I startle my husband by yelling, “LY! LY!” at the television screen. I don’t want to “buy happy.” I want to “buy happily.” Otherwise, I’m literally purchasing “happy.” The adverb “happily” needs to modify the verb “to buy.” Of course, if this were an ad for Clinique’s perfume “Happy” (a noun), I’d be fine. Sadly, however, they’re never ads for perfume.

#9 – Your and You’re. Few things make me whip out that red pen more quickly than a seemingly pleasant sign that says “Your welcome.” My welcome? When I saw a t-shirt at a clothing store urging its wearer to “Love the one your with,” it took everything in my power to keep the pen in the purse. I did share the error with the clerk, who was about the age of one of my students. “But that looks right,” she argued.

#8 – Everyday and Every Day. All season, the Baltimore Orioles have been sponsored by Ollie’s Bargain Outlet, a fine purveyor of all things cheap. Their ad behind home plate offers “Savings Everyday.” Did they mean “everyday savings”? I hope so. When used as one word, “everyday” is an adjective. When used as two words, it describes something that happens every day. As if watching the Orioles this season hasn’t been painful enough.

#7 – Less and Fewer. This is one of my biggest “But it just doesn’t sound right” battles. Thanks to express lanes throughout this country, my students refuse to accept that they should actually be standing in the “10 Items or Fewer” line. If specific items can be counted, use fewer. If speaking in generalities, use less. For example, “I wish I could spend less time teaching this to students, but I can’t because fewer stores use correct grammar.”

#6 – Alot and Alright. Hopefully, we all know that these are not actually words. Sadly, I argue with students about both of them every year, especially “alright.” They say, “I saw ‘Alright’ in a Ford commercial, so it has to be a word,” as if the Ford Motor Company is the authority on proper diction. Thankfully, the folks at Focus Features did a little more research before releasing The Kids Are All Right.

#5 – Fake Words. While I understand people who write commercials or design signs are not English teachers, I get frustrated when they create words my students come to believe are real. “Funnest” is not a word, Apple. You cannot claim that you have created the “funnest” iPod ever. You may as well claim you’ve created the “flerngiest” IPod ever. You think it’s cute, but the joke is over when one of my students uses it in a paper or at a job interview.

#4 – Misplaced Modifiers. I put these so high on my list not because they require intense deprogramming, but because they make me laugh. I think of misplaced modifiers as my reward for noticing and being driven so crazy by all these other errors. Here’s an example: “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous American composers, artists, and writers are buried daily, except on Thursdays.” Are they buried daily, or can I visit daily? Why aren’t they buried on Thursdays? There’s a reason misplaced modifiers take center stage in my classroom on National Grammar Day.

#3 – Italics and Underlining. While there are strict rules for this type of punctuation, too often I see italics and underlining used for emphasis instead of their intended purpose. Both are to be used to punctuate long works—books, movies, plays, magazines, etc. The use of underlining started when people would hand-write first drafts. It was code for “This will be italicized when I type it later.” Underlining has since morphed into an equally acceptable way to punctuate long works. Because students don’t know this, they figure they’ll cover their butts by using all available punctuation. For example: “In the play Oedipus, blind Tiresias sees the truth.” The right punctuation is in there somewhere, they figure, so their teacher can’t mark it wrong. Oh, but she can. And she does. #2 – Quotation Marks. Just as italics and underlining are incorrectly used for emphasis, so quotation marks are placed around words that do not need them. Quotation marks are NOT to be used for emphasis, but rather as punctuation for smaller works (articles, poems, etc.) or to imply that something is false. For example, if a sign claims to offer “FREE” grammar lessons, I would assume that there was actually a charge (and rightfully so).

#1 – Apostrophes. Perhaps because this seems to be one of the simplest rules, it bothers me the most when I see it used incorrectly. Apostrophes are used as contractions or to show ownership (unless, of course, the owner is a pronoun such as “hers” or “its,” in which case no apostrophe is needed. But that’s another article altogether). Not only do I grab the Wite-Out when I see a sign for “Free drink’s,” but I also grumble audibly and usually alert management, much to the humiliation of whomever happens to be with me. Conversely, when I visit the “Womens” dressing room, I’m quick to add the apostrophe. It’s our room, after all. Apostrophes are equally frustrating when they fail to show a necessary plural. For example, I worry about the poor “Kid’s Meal” that all children are supposed to share.

Of course, there are many other errors that confuse and confound my poor students (and, more importantly, drive me crazy). We address one of these errors in our weekly “Grammar Violations” exercises. I’ve had requests to post each week’s violation on my blog this year. Feel free to follow along or just use the violations as a reference for the future, especially if your job involves the creation of any public signage.

Rachel blogs at Loving Family, Loving Language, where she writes about her life’s greatest loves: her family and the English language. After a public relations career on Capitol Hill and in the nonprofit world, Rachel transitioned into life as an English teacher nearly three years ago. While teaching is often an underappreciated profession, the unpaid bonuses that come from educating children more than make up it. Rachel and her husband are native Minnesotans, but currently live near Baltimore, Maryland.

Please welcome guest author Rachel from Loving Family, Loving Language. Rachel is a long time reader of my blog and a fan of my Bad Signs Tick Me Off series. She’s also an English teacher. Since I’m so easily aggravated by bad signs, I asked Rachel if she would share what bothers her most as an English teacher. I won’t pretend to understand everything she wrote, because a few of the things are over my head. Truly. And, um, Rachel? I totally fact-checked your article, and I’m sorry to inform you that “White-out” is really spelled “Wite-Out.” We marketers are kind of sensitive to getting brand names right.

If the world was a 10th grader’s paper: My top 10 grammar frustrations (guest post)

Even though I’m 30 years old and have been teaching for a while now, I still get giddy as the first day of school approaches. I love shopping for school supplies, preparing my lessons and imagining who my new students will be. Still, I look ahead to the first jittery days of the school year with a tinge of dread as well. While I adore teaching my students new things, I dread having to deprogram them.

Because of all the errors on signs, in menus—everywhere!—my students argue with me when I try to teach them the correct way to punctuate or spell something. “But that just doesn’t sound right,” they say to me. I wish I could sidestep all this deprogramming and correct the errors on the signs and in the menus as if they were one of my 10th grader’s papers. My students would never be subjected to the wrong way of doing something if a vigilante grammarian got to the signs first. And as my husband can attest, I do keep a red pen and some Wite-Out in my purse at all times for just such occasions. I’m fighting these grammar frustrations, one sign at a time.

#10 – Adverbs. Too often, I startle my husband by yelling, “LY! LY!” at the television screen. I don’t want to “buy happy.” I want to “buy happily.” Otherwise, I’m literally purchasing “happy.” The adverb “happily” needs to modify the verb “to buy.” Of course, if this were an ad for Clinique’s perfume “Happy” (a noun), I’d be fine. Sadly, however, they’re never ads for perfume.

#9 – Your and You’re. Few things make me whip out that red pen more quickly than a seemingly pleasant sign that says “Your welcome.” My welcome? When I saw a t-shirt at a clothing store urging its wearer to “Love the one your with,” it took everything in my power to keep the pen in the purse. I did share the error with the clerk, who was about the age of one of my students. “But that looks right,” she argued.

#8 – Everyday and Every Day. All season, the Baltimore Orioles have been sponsored by Ollie’s Bargain Outlet, a fine purveyor of all things cheap. Their ad behind home plate offers “Savings Everyday.” Did they mean “everyday savings”? I hope so. When used as one word, “everyday” is an adjective. When used as two words, it describes something that happens every day. As if watching the Orioles this season hasn’t been painful enough.

#7 – Less and Fewer. This is one of my biggest “But it just doesn’t sound right” battles. Thanks to express lanes throughout this country, my students refuse to accept that they should actually be standing in the “10 Items or Fewer” line. If specific items can be counted, use fewer. If speaking in generalities, use less. For example, “I wish I could spend less time teaching this to students, but I can’t because fewer stores use correct grammar.”

#6 – Alot and Alright. Hopefully, we all know that these are not actually words. Sadly, I argue with students about both of them every year, especially “alright.” They say, “I saw ‘Alright’ in a Ford commercial, so it has to be a word,” as if the Ford Motor Company is the authority on proper diction. Thankfully, the folks at Focus Features did a little more research before releasing The Kids Are All Right.

#5 – Fake Words. While I understand people who write commercials or design signs are not English teachers, I get frustrated when they create words my students come to believe are real. “Funnest” is not a word, Apple. You cannot claim that you have created the “funnest” iPod ever. You may as well claim you’ve created the “flerngiest” IPod ever. You think it’s cute, but the joke is over when one of my students uses it in a paper or at a job interview.

#4 – Misplaced Modifiers. I put these so high on my list not because they require intense deprogramming, but because they make me laugh. I think of misplaced modifiers as my reward for noticing and being driven so crazy by all these other errors. Here’s an example: “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous American composers, artists, and writers are buried daily, except on Thursdays.” Are they buried daily, or can I visit daily? Why aren’t they buried on Thursdays? There’s a reason misplaced modifiers take center stage in my classroom on National Grammar Day.

#3 – Italics and Underlining. While there are strict rules for this type of punctuation, too often I see italics and underlining used for emphasis instead of their intended purpose. Both are to be used to punctuate long works—books, movies, plays, magazines, etc. The use of underlining started when people would hand-write first drafts. It was code for “This will be italicized when I type it later.” Underlining has since morphed into an equally acceptable way to punctuate long works. Because students don’t know this, they figure they’ll cover their butts by using all available punctuation. For example: “In the play Oedipus, blind Tiresias sees the truth.” The right punctuation is in there somewhere, they figure, so their teacher can’t mark it wrong. Oh, but she can. And she does. #2 – Quotation Marks. Just as italics and underlining are incorrectly used for emphasis, so quotation marks are placed around words that do not need them. Quotation marks are NOT to be used for emphasis, but rather as punctuation for smaller works (articles, poems, etc.) or to imply that something is false. For example, if a sign claims to offer “FREE” grammar lessons, I would assume that there was actually a charge (and rightfully so).

#1 – Apostrophes. Perhaps because this seems to be one of the simplest rules, it bothers me the most when I see it used incorrectly. Apostrophes are used as contractions or to show ownership (unless, of course, the owner is a pronoun such as “hers” or “its,” in which case no apostrophe is needed. But that’s another article altogether). Not only do I grab the Wite-Out when I see a sign for “Free drink’s,” but I also grumble audibly and usually alert management, much to the humiliation of whomever happens to be with me. Conversely, when I visit the “Womens” dressing room, I’m quick to add the apostrophe. It’s our room, after all. Apostrophes are equally frustrating when they fail to show a necessary plural. For example, I worry about the poor “Kid’s Meal” that all children are supposed to share.

Of course, there are many other errors that confuse and confound my poor students (and, more importantly, drive me crazy). We address one of these errors in our weekly “Grammar Violations” exercises. I’ve had requests to post each week’s violation on my blog this year. Feel free to follow along or just use the violations as a reference for the future, especially if your job involves the creation of any public signage.

Rachel blogs at Loving Family, Loving Language, where she writes about her life’s greatest loves: her family and the English language. After a public relations career on Capitol Hill and in the nonprofit world, Rachel transitioned into life as an English teacher nearly three years ago. While teaching is often an underappreciated profession, the unpaid bonuses that come from educating children more than make up it. Rachel and her husband are native Minnesotans, but currently live near Baltimore, Maryland.